My 40's and JM

John Mayer - Curitiba October 2017

April 7th, 2017, I turned a 40 years old man. I thought that I was ready for it, but in fact, I wasn't. I had imagined that becoming 40, all the theater's curtains would open. The sea would open for my walk. It didn't happen. It was like some sort of fog had blinded me. Things became unclear. The doubt started to be my best friend.

As I am the kind of person who is always questioning myself and everything that surrounds me, I set as being my goal, find a way to get rid of that situation. Every single day I spent hours wondering about it.

Six months later, I was quite better but far from entirely well. Thus, my wife invited me to a John Mayer's concert in another city. That involved a lot of planning because our baby was going to travel with us. One of our relatives who lived in the city, would provide everything necessary for the baby well being. Nevertheless, a dozen of doubts were surrounding my mind.

I must say that I wasn't in the mood to attend the concert. Whereas, my wife was super excited. She always loved John Mayer. When John Mayer opened the show I began to think how much time I'd wasted since April. Music after music, things started to becoming clear to me. What was the trigger?

I believe that was the fact that we are the same age, 40. He turned 40 in the beginning of October. Also, both of us admire good music (he produces it) and guitars. We have the same influences (Eric Clapton, BB King, blues, etc). Finally, we have a bunch of people who love us, but in the same way a bunch of people who hate us, just by the fact that we are idealistic.

Okay, but the turning point was that maybe the concert would be his 50th in 2017, not considering his entire career, but he was playing it as if it was his first. I could feel that! He was delivering his soul, all of his heart to the crowd. Why?

Because he was doing what he loves, what he was born for. He was being a professional, but more than that, he was being him, natural, unique. He wasn't there just by the "paycheck" or just to follow the agenda. He was using the gift that God gave to him.

Another "Me" left the concert. Apart from the great music that I listened there, I got something that have been helping me since then.

Some lessons that I learned

• Find the balance between fighting every day and living;

• Do your job with excellence; 

• If God gave you a gift, use it with mastery; 

• Enjoy the path.

Thanks JM!

"Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967" Lyric Video

Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 - John Mayer

Walt Grace, desperately hating his whole place,
Dreamed to discover a new space,
And buried himself alive,
Inside his basement, tongue on the side of his face when,
He's working away on displacement,
And what it would take to survive.

'Cause when you're done with this world,
You know the next is up to you.
And his wife told his kids he was crazy,
And his friends said he'd fail if he tried,
But with a will to work hard,
And a library card,
He took a homemade, fan-blade, one-man submarine ride.

That morning, the sea was mad and I mean it,
Waves as big as he'd seen it,
Deep in his dreams at home.
From dry land,
He rolled it over to wet sand,
Closed the hatch up with one hand,
And peddled off alone.

'Cause when you're done with this world,
You know the next is up to you.
And for once in his life it was quiet,
As he learned how to turn in the tide,
And the sky was a flare,
When he came up for air,
In his homemade, fan-blade, one-man submarine ride.

One evening,
When weeks had passed since his leaving,
The call she'd planned on receiving,
Finally made it home.
She accepted,
The news she'd never expected,
The operator connected,
A call from Tokyo.

'Cause when you're done with this world,
You know the next is up to you.
Now his friends,
Bring him up when they're drinking,
At the bar with his name on the side,
And they smile when they can,
As they speak of a man,
Who took a homemade,
Fan-blade, one-man submarine ride.

 

Song by John Mayer

Charles Dickens - Great Expectations - Chapter twelve

After the fight episode, Pip starts to think about what happened and the consequences if someone knew about it. Pip believes that maybe somebody would be waiting for him when he returns for the first time to "the scene of the deed of violence", or, even Miss Havisham would take some sort of personal vengeance. But the incident goes unmentioned during his visit.

For months Pip continues to visit Miss Havisham pushing her in a wheelchair. "Over and over and over again, we would make these journeys, and sometimes they would last as long as three hours at a stretch." 

In these meetings, Miss Havisham starts do inquire Pip about his plans for the future. Pip says that he was going to be apprenticed to Joe. Internally, Pip believes that Miss Havisham is going to help him, but in fact, what happens is the opposite. "But, she did not; on the contrary, she seemed to prefer my being ignorant. Neither did she ever give me any money - or anything but my daily dinner - nor ever stipulate that I should be paid for my services.”

Because Pip is kind of waiting for something from Estella, maybe a kiss again, he is not aware of the intentions of Miss Havisham. Estella starts to drive him crazy, changing her behavior, and being conducted by Miss Havisham. There is a passage when Miss Havisham murmurs in Estella's ear "Break their hearts my pride and hope, break their hearts and have no mercy!"

Partially because of his elevated hopes for his own social standing, Pip begins to grow apart from his family, confiding in Biddy instead of Joe and often feeling ashamed that Joe is “common.” His sister and Mr. Pumblechook are set aside as well. The first because of the manners with him and the second for being supportive of the daily bullying. 

"While Pumblechook himself, self-constituted my patron, would sit supervising me with a depreciatory eye, like the architect of my fortunes who thought himself engaged on a very unremunerative job."

One day, Miss Havisham offers to help with the papers that would officially make Pip Joe’s apprentice, and Pip is devastated to realize that she never meant to make him a gentleman.

See you on chapter thirteen.

Marvin Gaye - Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)

Charles Dickens - Great Expectations - Chapter eleven

Another day, and another appointment at Miss Havisham's house. Pip is welcomed by Estella who conducts him to the meeting where other people are waiting for. The meeting today is in another part of the house, as Pip describes as " a gloomy room with a low ceiling, on the ground floor at the back."

There are three ladies in the room and one gentleman as Pip profiles as toadies and humbugs. Over the chapter, Dickens manages a series of dialogues among these characters in a way to introduce them in the narrative. 

They left the room, Estella and Pip have a sort of disagreement when she finally slaps his face. After that, they go upstairs and met a gentleman groping his way down.Pip gives a complete description of the man saying "He was a burly man of an exceedingly dark complexion, with an exceedingly large head and a corresponding large hand. He took my chin in his large hand and turned up my face to have a look at me by the light of the candle. He was prematurely bald on the top of his head and had bushy black eyebrows that wouldn’t lie down but stood up bristling. His eyes were set very deep in his head and were disagreeably sharp and suspicious. He had a large watch-chain, and strong black dots where his beard and whiskers would have been if he had let them. He was nothing to me, and I could have had no foresight then, that he ever would be anything to me, but it happened that I had this opportunity of watching him well."

Pip meets Miss Havisham, who sends him to another room and introduces him to some bizarre things,  like one table that she wishes will be laid when she died. After a while, Miss Havisham asks Pip to call Estella. Estella comes with the others, the three ladies, and the two men. Once again, Dickens introduces these guests and now it is clear that they are relatives visiting Miss Havisham. 

Estella, Pip and Miss Havisham return to her room just after the guests went out. There, Estella and Pip start to play cards. After that,  Pip goes to the garden where he meets a young gentleman, who evokes him to fight. 

Dickens describes the fight with a richness of details that I could almost feel and visualize everything that made part of the scene.

It looks like some kind of practice plotted by Miss Havisham and Estella, some part of a big plan for Pip. After the fight,  Estella allows him to give her a kiss on the cheek. He returns home, ashamed that Estella looks down on him.

See you on chapter twelve.

Steve #2

Steve once attended a job interview. It was in a company that he was dreaming for a while. The job position was exactly what he was looking for.

During the interview, Steve said that one of his major fears in life is not having enough time to achieve all of your plans and dreams. Up to now, he doesn't know why he said that. It wasn't even an answer to anything questioned. It was only Steve being Steve.

Based on this statement, possibly, the interviewer asked if Steve wasn't just a dreamer, without any achievements. Maybe he was suggesting that Steve was one of those guys who used to write a "to do list" in a notebook, opening and reviewing the list every day without any concrete goal.

So, Steve tried to enlighten his idea saying that he had accomplished many of his plans during the year, and in the years before, and before. It was really true, at least in Steve's mind, indeed.

The interviewer's face wasn't the best after that, but Steve kept confident about his selection for the job. 

After a few days, Steve received a call from the company saying that he wasn't selected. How is that? 

He thought about what went wrong. 

Probably because he was too honest saying that one of his plans and dreams was to work for the company. Perhaps if he had lied, as a bunch of candidates used to do, he would get there.

As far as I known him, he will stay stick to his guns, without any changes.

John Mayer - Born and Raised (Live on Letterman)

"Born And Raised"

Now and then I pace my place
I can't retrace how I got here
I cheat the light to check my face
It's slightly harder than last year

[CHORUS]
And all at once it gets hard to take
It gets hard to fake what I won't be
Cause one of these days I'll be born and raised
And it's such a waste to grow up lonely

I still have dreams, they're not the same
They don't fly as high as they used to
I saw my friend, he's in my head
And he said, "You don't remember me, do you?"

[CHORUS]
Then all at once it gets hard to take
It gets hard to fake what I won't be
Cause one of these days I'll be born and raised
And it's such a waste to grow up lonely

I still got time, I still got faith
I call on both of my brothers
I got a mom, I got a dad
But they do not have each other

[CHORUS]
So line on up, and take your place
And show your face to the morning
Cause one of these days you'll be born and raised
And it all comes on without warning

Steve #1

So, Steve has made some decisions about his life.

Here are some of them:

    - Nobody will know anything about his personal life anymore;
    - He will try to stay sober for one year;
    - He will try, for some months, follow a balanced diet without sugar, sodas and change coffee by tea. When eating, he will try to choose better what to eat.

Of course that Steve is a complex guy, so there are many other things that he is planning and thinking about. His head is a real mess

Lucky for you Steve.

Charles Dickens - Great Expectations - Chapter ten

Pip is willing to become uncommon. In order to accomplish his plan, he starts to attend the course ministered by Biddy, Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt.

Pip spends some pages explaining the content of this weird course. He even agrees that this experience would take time to reach its ends.

By the end of the day, Pip goes to a pub to bring Joe home.

'I had received strict orders from my sister to call for him at the Three Jolly Bargemen, that evening, on my way from school, and bring him home...'

Joe is there, smoking his pipe in company with Mr.Wopsle and a stranger.

Pip describes the stranger as 'He was a secret-looking man whom I had never seen before. His head was all on one side, and one of his eyes was half shut up as if he were taking aim at something with an invisible gun. He had a pipe in his mouth, and he took it out, and, after slowly blowing all his smoke away and looking hard at me all the time, nodded.'

The stranger offers Pip to take a seat on his side, but Pip refuses and seats beside Joe. After that, the stranger asks Joe and Mr. Wopsle what they wish to drink. Joe says that is not used to 'drinking at anybody's expense but my own', but accept the drink, as well as Mr.Wopsle.

Pip sees the stranger stirring his drink with the same file that Pip stole for the convict. The stranger gives Pip two pounds, which Pip later gives to Mrs.Joe. He continues to worry that his aid to the convict will be discovered.

See you on chapter eleven.

Great Expectations - Charles Dickens - Chapter nine

When Pip arrives at home, his sister starts to interrogate him about Miss Havisham's house and everything linked to the visit. His first attempt was to give short answers to the questions, what was promptly refused by his sister.

Therefore, after a lot of pressure coming from his sister and Mr. Pumblechook, demanding for the narrative of his experience, Pip starts to tell what happened there.

“I felt convinced that if I described Miss Havisham’s as my eyes had seen it, I should not be understood.”

So, Pip begins to lie. He lies that Miss Havisham lives in a black, velvet carriage that sits in her mansion. He lies that he ate cake on gold plates and drunk wine in the carriage. He lies there were huge dogs eating veal-cutlets in silver baskets.

Also, he lies they played with flags. In his story, Pip, Estella, and Miss Havisham each had different colored flags, and they waved them around out the windows of the coach—which sounds like some bizarre piece of performance art.

Pip reaches a limit of lies and he thinks that it is better to stop, otherwise, his sister and Uncle Pumblechook could suspect that everything came from his imagination.

Later in the night, in the forge, Pip confesses to Joe that he made everything up because he's so bummed out about being "common."

“Towards Joe, and Joe only, I considered myself a young monster...”

Joe advise Pip saying that – “If you can’t get to be uncommon through going straight, you’ll never get to do it through going crooked.”

Pip goes to bed thinking about all the differences between Joe's house and Miss Havisham's house, and how so much had changed that day.

See you on Chapter ten.