7.09.2025

Do we learn it too late?


What is the life I wish I could have lived? There is no other way to discuss this without mentioning regrets. Have I been living the life others thought that I should live, other than the life I wanted for myself? Now, at 48 years old, I don't think so, and honestly, I believe I've always had some inner rebellion that drove my life decisions.

Answering the initial question, I am living the life I designed for myself. I have accomplished all of my dreams; I have had everything I wanted. When I wasn't happy with something, even if I had taken too much time to make a change, I changed the course of my life when necessary. 

I might not be able to acknowledge this to myself most of the time. There is a lack of trust in myself, or an unnecessary feeling of not being deserving of all my victories and bravery. It's a trauma, I know.

There is this sensation of never being good enough, and this sensation spreads to all areas of my life, including myself as a professional, father, husband, and son. Whatever happens to me is recognized as undeserved, and the necessity to push for more is constant. It's an endless rat race.

Again, answering the initial question from another perspective, I wish I could have lived my life knowing that I am enough, that I am deserving of all the beauty this short life has to offer. Any other approach to answering this question would lead to deep regret, and that's the worst and most biased feeling ever, because looking to the past and regretting something is to refuse all the marvelous things that have happened to me so far. Thus, is trauma a living organism inside of us that keeps revisiting the past and forcing us to regret that we had a different life history? And this organism feeds itself on all the inadequacies and feelings of not being deserved?

I am not sure how to kill this organism, nor do I know if it is even possible, but a great idea could be to stop feeding it. Try nurturing the belief that you are good enough and that you are doing great in this life. Don't doubt yourself, don't feed the beast.

1.10.2022

Uma Estrangeira - Podcast com Rodrigo Alvarez

 Fiz um pequeno transcript de um pedaço do podcast que a Gabrielle Oliveira fez com o Rodrigo Alvarez, escritor e ex-correspondente internacional. Achei sensacional e estou compartilhando aqui.

“ Eu sempre procurei ajudar a sorte, eu acho que você tem que ajudar a sorte, eu brinco com isso… eu não saio de casa sem sorte mas eu sempre tento um jeito de ajudar a sorte. Se você não ajuda, não acontece nada. Tem uma frase de um jogador de futebol que é sensacional - “Quem se desloca recebe, quem pede tem preferência”. Pense nessa frase que vale pra tudo na vida. Se você está parado, você não vai receber, a vida não vai te entregar nada, porque você está de braços cruzados fechado no seu canto, você não está se expondo, você não está conhecendo ninguém, você não está se oferecendo para a vida. Então, quem se desloca recebe. E quem pede tem preferência é o seguinte: você está disposto, você é capaz mas você não manifesta esse desejo, você não manifesta a sua capacidade você não diz que está disponível. Se você não falar sobre isso, as pessoas não vão saber, você tem que se manifestar, você tem que estar em movimento e manifestando as suas vontades, capacidades e os seus anseios."

3.05.2021

System Error

Hi, I hope you're doing well.

No, I am not doing well.

Hahaha (You shouldn't laugh).

I need a restart. It's like that windows blue screen.

Out of nowhere. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. It doesn't turn on anymore.

Everything starts to shut down, bit by bit.

Someone scratches their head. "But I thought that everything was all right!!"

No, it's not. 

Am I allowed to go on autopilot? But what is the destination? I don't know. Just give me the ticket.



11.18.2020

# thoughts

 It looks like the pattern repeats itself. It's sad. You rather want to see half-empty glass than all of his qualities, which are many and wonderful. Why are you not capable of living lightly? 

" That wasn't good or bad, it just happened, it just is " - Zen Habits.

Try to change your perspective about life. Life is short! 

" Think of nothing that happens as either good or bad. Stop judging, and stop expecting " - Zen Habits.

He is just a kid, he is learning as everybody once learned. You should just let him live his life freely, without any interventions. 

Just think about this.

7.09.2020

Questions for you

What are you avoiding just because the desired outcome would take longer than you'd like?

7.06.2020

# thoughts

" Effort input doesn't yield output " - Jack Conte

# thoughts

" ... a sense of gratitude for the things that are actually working well in our lives despite the things that aren't." - Brian Simmons

5.11.2020

# 2020 lockdown photo series

Lockdown day #1 @buzzlightyear1977  (March 19)

# thoughts

I was just thinking about how learning a second language (English) has changed my life. It's not that I am a "better" person today than I was years before. I am the same person but with a different perspective on life. There is no more only one way to see and understand the world around me.