Answering the initial question, I am living the life I designed for myself. I have accomplished all of my dreams; I have had everything I wanted. When I wasn't happy with something, even if I had taken too much time to make a change, I changed the course of my life when necessary.
I might not be able to acknowledge this to myself most of the time. There is a lack of trust in myself, or an unnecessary feeling of not being deserving of all my victories and bravery. It's a trauma, I know.
There is this sensation of never being good enough, and this sensation spreads to all areas of my life, including myself as a professional, father, husband, and son. Whatever happens to me is recognized as undeserved, and the necessity to push for more is constant. It's an endless rat race.
Again, answering the initial question from another perspective, I wish I could have lived my life knowing that I am enough, that I am deserving of all the beauty this short life has to offer. Any other approach to answering this question would lead to deep regret, and that's the worst and most biased feeling ever, because looking to the past and regretting something is to refuse all the marvelous things that have happened to me so far. Thus, is trauma a living organism inside of us that keeps revisiting the past and forcing us to regret that we had a different life history? And this organism feeds itself on all the inadequacies and feelings of not being deserved?
I am not sure how to kill this organism, nor do I know if it is even possible, but a great idea could be to stop feeding it. Try nurturing the belief that you are good enough and that you are doing great in this life. Don't doubt yourself, don't feed the beast.
